What Brown Does For Me

Have you ever done something you'd never dreamed you would do? I was thinking that the other day while I was stalking the UPS guy.
What am I doing? Maybe I need a "real" job because when I was couped up in an office five days a week, I sure as hell didn't have the time to drive around my neighborhood looking for a big brown truck.
But, when I was in a real job, I'd order things off the Internet (on my lunch break, I swear) and the packages would arrive at my desk. And that's the crux of the situation. I still live for Internet shopping (see No Bargain Basement), and breathlessly wait for my packages to arrive. But, as social coordinator for my two boys, I'm in and out of the house all day. I wish the UPS guy would understand that, and just leave the package behind my milk box. But no, he INSISTS that I sign for them. I'm SOL if I'm not at my house, and the dreaded notice sticker gets stuck on my door. The sticker says you've got one more day to get the package delivered. If you strike out twice, it's Commerce City, baby. That's where the suckers who've missed the UPS guy two days in a row get their packages. I've had to go there a couple times, and feel like I have a big "L" on my forehead as I drive 30 minutes to this vast UPS warehouse and approach the counter with my sticker. The person scans the sticker, pages someone in the another warehouse where my package sits, and tells me to "Take a seat--it should be 20 minutes or so before he brings the package." I swear to myself that Internet shopping isn't worth this inconvenience, and I'll never do it again.
Yeah, right. Which brings me to the other day. I happened to see the UPS truck drive by as I turned on my street. I pull into my driveway and see the brown and yellow sticker on my door. NOOOO! I rip the sticker off the door, hop back in the car and try to remember which street I saw the truck turn on. "What are we doing mommy?" asks Ethan. "We just need to find the UPS guy," I tell him. I know this explanation doesn't make sense, but thank goodness he accepts it. I drive up and down a few streets, and don't see the truck. I'm about to give up when the truck's tail lights flash by. I try not to gun the engine as I hurry behind it. I pull up behind the truck and nonchalantly walk up to the guy with my sticker.
The UPS guy didn't bat an eye. "Oh, must have missed you," he says. I guess I'm not the first delusional SAHM with an uncontrollable online shopping habit whose chased after him.
He jumps up into the truck and pulls out my package. I don't know what to say, and stare at his socks, which have UPS embroidered into them. Nice job perk, I think.
He hands me the package and I grip it firmly as I walk back to the car. I have a slight head rush from the thrill of this victory.
I always thought I would keep working full time after I had kids. If I stayed behind a desk 50 hours a week, I would have kept getting packages safely delivered to my desk. But that's about all I would have time to do. As frustrating as staying home with my boys can be at times--the whining, the fighting--it opens me up to all kinds of experiences, like my first car chase.