Friday, August 1, 2008

Anxiety

Haiku Friday

The thoughts in my head
unravel like a ball of
yarn into a cloud.

I try to wind them
back into a neat ball, but
thread coils into knots.

It takes much effort
to untie my thoughts without
breaking the thin thread.

IzzyMom's heartfelt posts about combating anxiety and depression read like a chapter out my own book. I felt depressed more than anything as a teenager, and finally sought help in college through therapy. Before therapy, I thought I was fucked up. I'd see my peers make friends, get good grades and have fun with seemingly little effort. I, on the other hand, blundered my way through life, stressing out about every test, every sports team tryout, every social outing. As much as I would have liked to have a boyfriend, talking to boys, let alone dating one, was way too scary.

Therapy, and I'm talking YEARS of therapy, helped me realize that my struggles stem, in part, from my genetic makeup. I shouldn't hate myself because I wasn't born with enough certain brain chemicals to keep me from worrying myself into a frazzled mess. Antidepressants, along with exercise, help take the edge off by feeding my brain those chemicals. But what helps most of all is accepting that this is who I am, and that's not a bad thing.

3 comments:

maggie said...

Beautiful imagery and metaphor in your haiku, and I think just the last line about accepting yourself as you are shows much, much strength.

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

It takes guts to write about this. Excellent haiku.

EatPlayLove said...

thanks for sharing! I feel the ball unraveling quite often... quite often.