Thursday, December 11, 2008

New World Order

“I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.”
“The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”
T.S. Eliot

I found out today that my dad has liver cancer. Terry called me at home with the news. My mom didn’t tell me herself because she was afraid I was driving around town with the kids, and didn’t want to upset me. It was probably best to hear it from Terry.
The phone call was a shock—we knew my dad had health problems, but none of us expected it to be this serious. When Terry told me, the news hit my stomach with a thud, and left an acrid taste in my mouth.
While I had this visceral reaction, my mind raced with what I had to do to get through the rest of the day:
1. Take James to preschool.
2. Pick up Ethan from school.
3. Go to the store.
4. Pick up James from preschool.
5. Find something to entertain the boys while I make dinner.

None of these tasks made sense to me anymore. It was like my life was a pile of books that were pushed off a table and strewn all over the floor. Now it’s time to pick up the books and put them back into order, but what order is that?
While I went through the motions of my day, the only thing that made sense was to go see my dad. I’m very grateful that he lives 45 minutes away, and I can see him this weekend. Then we’ll take it from there.

17 comments:

pixiemama said...

I'm so sorry to hear your news. Grief is like that - leaves you wondering why the world is still turning; makes you hate strangers you see laughing (HOW COULD THEY?); makes you numb to the things you would normally feel.

Thinking of you, your family, your father.

hokgardner said...

I am so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts.

MaryAnn Ashley said...

Oh sad ... so sorry to hear about your dad Cathy. Tough stuff. Definately thinking of you & your family.

laughingatchaos said...

Oh.Crap. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. Cathy, there's really nothing more I can say than that. Hugs to you and your family. Hugs and tears and a bottle of wine. Oh hon.

Rebecca said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.

Kathleen said...

So sorry to hear your news, when i found out about my dad during the summer it was a major shock, he has colon cancer. You've just got to take things one stage at a time. It really makes you think about things and the big picture. IF you need to talk about things you know where i am. thinking of you lots.

Cookie said...

Oh That is horrible :( You are lucky to be able to spend time with him now. My hear goes out to you and your family.

Carolyn said...

So sorry to hear about your Dad - hope your visit goes well..

Carolyn

Tiffany said...

I am so sorry to hear this news. It is good that he lives so close - I don't know what I would do if this happened to my father who lives a 13 hour driveway.

Hugs.

Stimey said...

I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you.

maggie said...

My heart goes out to you, and I'm sending a giant hug. In different circumstances entirely when my mom got sick, I also felt that sense that nothing I was doing really made sense considering what was going on with her. Hugs to you.

a friend to knit with said...

oh, i am so sorry.
i am sending prayers your way.

Quirky Mom said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry about this news. I hope the weekend hurries up so that you can spend it with your father.

~ April ~ said...

Sending lots of positive thoughts to you, your father, and your family. :(

suzannah said...

sending up prayers for peace and healing.

sara l said...

I don't know what to stay. Your family will be in our thoughts.

EatPlayLove said...

oh cathy sorry to hear the news. thinking of you! big hugs.