14 hours ago
Saturday, July 12, 2008
The Mama Bird Diaries mentioned in her last post that the actress Kyra Sedgwick feels mommy guilt, mostly from leaving her kids to work. Well, I was hemorrhaging mommy guilt this past week for a different reason. I don't work, so my guilt stems from being around my kids too much and losing my mind because of it. I know that sounds awful--hence, my guilt.
Usually I can keep on, keeping on, and the guilt at stays in check. But this week was particularly bad, for a variety of reasons. I was running on fumes. Part of the problem was that my husband Terry was slammed at work and coming home late every night. By Friday evening, Terry told me I looked like a wreck and should Saturday off--he'll take care of the boys for the day. I felt like I was sprung from jail. You mean, I can do anything I want, and not hear anyone object? I immediately took him up on his offer and planned to go hiking at Chatauqua in Boulder.
Of course, the next morning, the guilt set in. While I was getting ready for my hike, Terry lovingly made French toast for the boys, and they happily ate it. Yesterday, I could barely get them to eat the omelets I made them. How dare Terry show me up in the mommy department? Maybe he should just take over the whole show--work 65 hours a week, come home and take care of two rambunctious boys. I'll just get out of everyone's way and check into the local asylum.
I could see my thought process was turning me from mommy into Mommy Dearest, so I finished getting my back pack together and hurried over to Chatauqua. Even though I'm a Colorado native, I've never done any hikes there. I ended up getting on the trail for the Rainbow Arch. It's only 1.5 miles, so I figured that it shouldn't be too intense. Little did I know it was 1.5 miles uphill. The trail was more suited for a mountain goat than an out-of-shape SAHM. But like the little engine that could, I huffed and puffed and made it to the top. I collapsed on a rock and took in the incredible view. I was a red, sweaty, shaky mess, but somewhere along the trail my guilt turned into gratitude.