The Mama Bird Diaries mentioned in her last post that the actress Kyra Sedgwick feels mommy guilt, mostly from leaving her kids to work. Well, I was hemorrhaging mommy guilt this past week for a different reason. I don't work, so my guilt stems from being around my kids too much and losing my mind because of it. I know that sounds awful--hence, my guilt.
Usually I can keep on, keeping on, and the guilt at stays in check. But this week was particularly bad, for a variety of reasons. I was running on fumes. Part of the problem was that my husband Terry was slammed at work and coming home late every night. By Friday evening, Terry told me I looked like a wreck and should Saturday off--he'll take care of the boys for the day. I felt like I was sprung from jail. You mean, I can do anything I want, and not hear anyone object? I immediately took him up on his offer and planned to go hiking at Chatauqua in Boulder.
Of course, the next morning, the guilt set in. While I was getting ready for my hike, Terry lovingly made French toast for the boys, and they happily ate it. Yesterday, I could barely get them to eat the omelets I made them. How dare Terry show me up in the mommy department? Maybe he should just take over the whole show--work 65 hours a week, come home and take care of two rambunctious boys. I'll just get out of everyone's way and check into the local asylum.
I could see my thought process was turning me from mommy into Mommy Dearest, so I finished getting my back pack together and hurried over to Chatauqua. Even though I'm a Colorado native, I've never done any hikes there. I ended up getting on the trail for the Rainbow Arch. It's only 1.5 miles, so I figured that it shouldn't be too intense. Little did I know it was 1.5 miles uphill.
The trail was more suited for a mountain goat than an out-of-shape SAHM. But like the little engine that could, I huffed and puffed and made it to the top. I collapsed on a rock and took in the incredible view.
I was a red, sweaty, shaky mess, but somewhere along the trail my guilt turned into gratitude.
8 comments:
Good for you. :)
What a beautiful view. :)
Wow! I'm jealous!
Mommy guilt is fierce... totally get everything you said. You were so smart to keep moving forward and go on that hike.
Thanks for the shout out. :)
Looks like fun. I escaped to Boulder saturday morning as well, with out the girls! I took a friend to the farmer's market, the tea house for a chai, the kitchen for brunch..and we leisurely made our way home.
We should have hiked!
good for you, i am so jealous, we're not quite at the whole day escape yet but getting there. So where's the next trip too???
Lovely post - and ditto on the guilt - whether at work or not at work! :)
You're making me want to return to CO with the pic of the lovely view. You're also making me schedule a "time alone" day. We all need to refresh so we can continue to have the energy to do the best and most difficult and rewarding job on earth....MOTHERHOOD:) Keep hiking!
That is so cool that you went hiking by yourself! I'm always afraid to (bears, mountain lions, etc). I know what you mean about guilt, though. I had the weekend off last week, and the minute they left, the guilt set in. Very weird.
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